Columbia: Don’t kid yourself, there are only three Ivies. You can tell yourself you’re enamored by its Ginsbergian counterculture heritage, the underground tunnels, the core curriculum… but any self respecting WASP knows that there’s only one eating club and far too many Jews. I suppose you could have gone to Stanford if you really wanted to attend the #4 school – but daddy doesn’t own real estate in Palo Alto (and too many Asians freak you out). Of course, these negative sentiments will be disguised at your future investment bank where you will proudly serve as the cultured member of your analyst team (obviously smarter than the Gallatin hipsters). Perhaps burnt out from Match.com dinners on Lexington, you foolishly trick yourself into believing that the Blackstone associate you’ve been dating will marry you. I mean, if frumpy tri-Delt girls from Penn can blow their way toward being yoga-wives – why can’t you?
