Point to your open palm! Show me where in the state you’re from! Suburban Detroit? OMG, me too! Your dad is unemployed? OMG, ME TOO!!! You see, attending the best public school in Michigan is like being the most attractive person with AIDS. And though the students pretend they’re in California or New York, they eventually sober and realize that body of water is a lake, and not an ocean. Yup, still stuck in primitive middle-America. This sobering now occurs on Saturdays – the once holy day that used to be reserved for drunken football watching. Man, that sucks… without football, how can you possibly talk shit to the Northwestern kids after they take your jobs in Chicago?
