Little Northeastern Jew Girls typically come in one of two varieties. The first are smart, independent women with creative and intellectual ambition. The rest all go to Syracuse where they develop eating disorders, blow AEPi guys on the first date, and major in Communications (but the Newhouse program is like, so good). Oh the good times and bad times! You laughed at the jokes about the mascot being the Orangemen to match the fake tans on the students or at the desparation in your professors’ voices when they swear they spend weekends consulting in “the city.” But there were bad times too, like when you were almost stabbed off Marshall Street or when you were nearly raped by someone in Carmelo Anthony’s entourage when he was in town for an alumni event. Don’t worry, you’ll soon use daddy’s money to move to the Upper East Side to intern for some fashion company or something where you and your identical SDT girls can go out together every weekend without being harassed by the waspy AEPhi’s. Those bitches!
